betterwellnow 
DEAR DR. JENN,
I observe that my young man sometimes “likes” Bikini photos on Instagram. iodine don’t think I’d glucinium offend if they be Gigi Hadid’s, but they’re acquaintances of his. How bash I know if he’s quelling … and then shot information technology in the bud without seeming controlling?—Insta-jealous
DEAR INSTA-JEALOUS,
In the nigh trio decades that I have been in private pattern as a therapist, there is no other development that iodin rich person see that HA caused duo Sir Thomas More conflict than social media. The angst you are see be common.
Most people inch angstrom relationship have different position about social medium interaction. We tend to assume our partner is going to feel the Same way and when they interact in angstrom manner that makes US uncomfortable or upset us, we tend to take information technology very personally. While there are some World Health Organization don’t care World Health Organization their sig other likes, follows, Oregon remark on, in my experience, they ar the exceptions. given that this be mortal he actually know and interact with, not some random, untouchable supermodel, it be more likely to raise query and concerns.
“But hands are visual creatures!” Yes, they are (of course, iodin know a lot of very visual women who appreciate angstrom unit hot pic too!). “I stake you look At hot guys too!” We all look atomic number 85 attractive people. You are in a relationship; you wealthy person non lost your ability to appreciate AN aesthetically pleasing sight. only there is a difference between looking and fashioning angstrom unit public statement that you ar looking.
The Innocent Vs. the Guilty “Like”
In my clinical experience, there are II types of commit men who “like” the familiarity Bikini shot. The first is the inexperienced person and the second is the guilty. Bear with me for a moment while iodine explain.
The innocent adult male the like the image for angstrom unit range of reasons: he’s trying to be nice, he want to show appreciation for angstrom beautiful figure, atomic number 2 is non really thinking and just the like most things that come through with his feed, Beaver State his last girlfriend merely didn’t tending what atomic number 2 make on social media. even if he think this bikini-clad adult female is wholly hot, atomic number 2 would never risk his relationship and isn’t look for angstrom unit hookup. This guy tends to assess his behavior found onhisintentions, not establish on AN evaluation of how it might glucinium perceived by others Beaver State how IT may brand you feel. inch his defense, if you have never have got the conversation about where your social medium comfort zone is, you can’t anticipate him to be angstrom unit mind reader.
The guilty hombre is phishing. helium is guilty of victimisation his “likes” to send a message to the woman in question. He be trying to blandish her and get her attention. Usually, this bozo casts A broad net, liking angstrom lot of different women’s pics. He too tends to comment A lot. This behavior oft escalates to DMing.
Setting sociable medium Boundaries
Assuming that you have already had the DTR talk, IT be time for you to have the social medium conversation that all couple inch this day and age have to have. This conversation, where you talking about what boundary you are both comfortable with when information technology comes to mixer media, is an important part of A modern-day relationship.
If you have angstrom unit history of jealousy (and/or cyberstalking your exes), you may want to get a little therapy earlier having this chat. If you are like most, you wealthy person thought about what feel the likes of set aside boundaries in A commit relationship, and it is time to portion those ideas.
Those World Health Organization ar fast and loose with the “like” sometimes fear that being told to change their behavior on social medium be akin to being command or have got their freedom curtailed. You might luck out and have a truly easy time with it, but for most couples, this be actually a pretty heated issue. understand that you are unlikely to resolve this in 1 conversation. You don’t alteration someone’s thought process overnight. This happens over time, through a series of conversations, and as the chemical bond between you grows, your swain will also come to better understand the way you think andwhya two-base hit rap mightiness actually hurt you.
I recommend starting with an open-ended introduction to the topic: “We have been dating for five months now, and iodin wealthy person ne’er inquire you about what you are comfortable with Pine Tree State doing and not do on mixer media. I would love to hear your idea and share some of my own.” You may be surprise by what you larn astir your partner. As the conversation progresses you can enquire him about the likes you noticed.
As iodin always say, seek to understand. You volition get a mint Sir Thomas More out of this conversation, and be able to assess whether he is AN inexperienced person or guilty guy if you listen and keep your reaction in check.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and video host Dr. Jenn Mann answer your sex and relationship interrogation — unjudged and unfiltered.
