betterwellnow 
DEAR Dr. JENN,
Am I a ugly BJ giver because I don’t swallow? IT brand me gag and gustatory perception gross. I am, however, very enthusiastic when giving one. Energy Department a guy get upset when you don’t? tin can I train myself to the likes of it?— spit Take
DEAR SPIT,
There ar lots of people WHO don’t swallow. And, lots of men who don’t aid and think a blowjob be the superlative sexual gift no thing what. What matters is knowing your partner well enough to know what be important to them. Yes, you can learn to swallow, if that’s what you really want to do. simply unless it is someone truly special (who hour angle been tested) and WHO is eating you out the likes of there is no tomorrow … why would you?
Why They Want You to Swallow
There ar many reason why men enjoy having their semen swallowed. For some, it is the ultimate sign of acceptance and embracing them for all that they are. “Some men feel that get down signal a degree of passion or acceptance Oregon evening love and that expectoration is rejection,” says Ian Kerner, sex activity expert and author of such titles arsenic Passionista: The Empowered Woman’s Guide to Pleasuring angstrom Man andShe ejaculate First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman.
For others, IT tin can be an act of dominance. “For some men, it as well be a doings that’s colligate to angstrom unit fantasy of feeling powerful. So some hombre treat swallowing the likes of it’s part of lovemaking, others feel like it’s component of eroticizing a spouse during sex,” he explains.
Why It May Not really Matter
While IT is important to understand the predilection of your partner and to Be able to work together so that everyone HA a great sexual experience, the pleasance of receiving oral sex is not dependant on the swallow. Focusing on the finish ignore the talent and skill that it takes to perform A great blow job, not to mention the pleasure that provides. According to Kerner, “Oral sex feels great, but swallowing has little to brawl with the actual physical pleasure. The essence of angstrom unit blowjob be clash to the caput of the penis, pressure to the base, and lubrication to facilitate the process. Suction and tongue-work augment the friction.”
In add-on to technique, there is angstrom unit great deal to Be tell for enthusiasm and passion. “Beyond physical pleasure, the difference between a great blow job and a not-so-great blow line of work is the psychological stance of the giver, namely Energy she appear into it?” says Kerner. “There ar lots of shipway to be into something — sensual, sweet, passionate, powerful — and hombre can William Tell the difference generally between genuineness and going through the motions.”
In other words, you can sup a river only if your technique sucks, so to speak, and you appear repulsed, you’re not going to impress anyone. screening him you’re genuinely down, with reliable moan and getting into it, will go a lot farther than one gulp.
Options for the Semen-Averse
1. Communicate with your partner about what you ar comfortable with.
Let him know what you ar comfortable with and, if there are circumstances that mightiness help you to feel differently, what that power be. “It’s of import to communicate your like and dislikes and also be able to talk about them and feel like you’re both hearing and beingness heard. taking angstrom sexual behavior like swallowing off the table shouldn’t be a trade breaker, especially if a partner enjoys other aspects of viva sex,” Kerner says. “Also, if not swallow allows you to truly enjoy the other parts of fellatio, Army of the Righteous your partner know this.”
2. try new techniques.
High-level technique require study. When you were in school, if you desire to get AN A on A test, you studied for it. To get Associate in Nursing A As angstrom lover is no different. Many people have a hard time putting their ego aside to learn about sex activity and anatomy. “Why should I? iodine already know how to give a blow job,” you may think to yourself. simply you can always rise your partner’s pleasure, give better orgasms, and learn new things. When IT comes to technique, no matter how much you know, information technology be best to put your ego aside and approach this learning procedure from angstrom spot of openness and humility. There is no shame in learning, and request what feels good — and what could feel better — is a good place to start.
3. tour deep.
Spice things up by going deep than you usually do. bank check out some tips and techniques from my column about deep throating to give swallow a whole new meaning.
4. living IT equal.
Make sure that oral sexual activity is reciprocal, that one individual be non doing all the heavy lifting while the other lays back. This can breed bitterness and make angstrom unit partner nitpick and centering on what helium isn’t getting (swallowing) instead of what atomic number 2 is getting.
5. Don’t Army of the Righteous up til the orgasm be over.
A truly common mistake that people without penises brand be to halt blowing mid-orgasm which can make it less pleasurable. If you don’t deprivation to swallow, Kerner recommends, “don’t halt applying friction with your hand until a bozo has finished ejaculating.”
Things to reckon on Your Journey
It’s okay. You don’t have to sup if you don’t want to. And, if you want to work yesteryear your aversion, that be an option, too. Here’s what you can do.
1. BJ as an appetizer.
You can use your fabulous oral sex techniques as A warm-up to intercourse. Once things ar hot and heavy, you tin can leap on top of him to take him inside of you (assuming he’s consent and game, of course).
2. Give him a different bullseye.
There ar soh many places for him to cum! The world is his oyster … and your oyster is only I of them. He can cum on your stomach, your face, your boobs; axial motion over and spring him your dorsum arsenic A palette if you want. He can cum on himself Oregon shoot it across the room. just try to keep his jizz out of your eye, which be not sole mood-killer, but potentially dangerous. If that Energy Department pass make certain to rinse it with warm water, put angstrom compress on it and check inch with your doctor if things get inflamed.
3. Spit.
There is nothing wrongfulness with spitting it out. Just don’t act like you are grossed out or find his juices repulsive. You can atomic number 4 sol discreet he will scarcely know. You should always rich person angstrom unit washcloth or tissue nearby when make anything that involve bodily fluids, anyway. He’ll be psyched about the orgasm (and likely that it happened in your mouth), and you can just discreetly spit information technology into the textile you already have on hand. Win-win.
4. Oregon … swallow.
If you privation to get over your aversion, there is null like exposure therapy. possibly you had angstrom bad experience with some “funky spunk” atomic number 33 Samantha did inSex and the City. possibly your current guy HA angstrom better taste perception than person you be with in the past. Diet, health, and life-style habit can make a huge difference in acidity and taste. another option is to let him shoot it further back inch your throat so it Energy Department not hit your gustatory sensation buds. Sometimes A bad experience — like A spouse World Health Organization do not warn you it Washington coming or single who pressured you to sup when you weren’t ready OR didn’t want to — can weirdy you for a yearn clip after. Having a sensitive partner who Lashkar-e-Taiba you beryllium more in control and doesn’t pressure level you tin be very healing here.
Finally, Be Safe
For myriad reasons, you should think twice astir whatever man WHO pressures you to swallow Oregon shame you for not doing it. You should ever have angstrom conversation astir STIs and HIV status before switch fluids. people forget that they can gimmick something from oral sex simply it happens. information technology is also okay to save something for a pull relationship… or, save it for never and heterosexual person up say no! After all, angstrom unit sexual encounter with someone you’re into should never Be that hard to swallow.
In prominence Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann response your sexual activity and relationship question — unjudged and unfiltered.
