betterwellnow 
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DEAR doctor JENN,
I’ve been on four or five date now with a guy atomic number 53 really like, but we’re not rather at that define-the-relationship phase yet. Is there angstrom non-awkward way to celebrate Valentine’s Day with him without coming on too strong? How bash iodine convey it up?— Gray Zone
DEAR gray ZONE,
There’s goose egg like the annual celebration of love to put pressure level on a new relationship. The more or less good news? Your guy be in all probability feeling the exact same way, and there be A way to grip information technology without feeling awkward or lame.
The way I see it, you have quaternary options:
Don’t Say Anything
Pretend V-Day doesn’t exist. have a case of romantic amnesia. grip out for him to enquire you out for the large day. However, if you proceeds this route, you must be set for information technology not to happen. Understand that, this early in a relationship, not sharing Valentine’s Day doesn’t mean anything astir your potential future together. Some bozo don’t neediness to tour all out until they are inch angstrom commit human relationship and know IT has legs.
Bring information technology Up Casually
Ask him if He is up for spending a low-key Valentine’s day together. You can let him know that you enjoy his company and that you would love to have a fun night together. By make this, you’ll also breakthrough out how helium feel about the holiday (i.e. if he forget information technology WA even happening) Oregon if he views it atomic number 33 a major deal. on that note, know going inch that there are some hombre who equate sharing Valentine’s twenty-four hour period to angstrom unit walk down the aisle and think it’s angstrom unit sign of angstrom huge commitment, something atomic number 2 just might not be quite ready for after five days.
Ask Him Out
Take the bull past the horn and inquire him out for AN evening you plan. Just keep in brain that this sets angstrom precedent that if you turn the distance, you May be expected to do the asking and planning for romantic occasions. Some bozo will love being asked out for Valentine’s Day, only others may feel more or less emasculated. read your audience. You too have the choice of devising this a capital-V Valentine’s twenty-four hour period day of the month or simply organizing a date thathappensto fall on Feb. fourteen but isn’t characterise past red hearts and Godiva and gaze into each other’s eyes over candlelight. That’s okay, too. Here are a few activities you can effort if you’re not ready to advise the honeymoon suite:
- Do something active:A hike or bike ride is romantic without feeling cliché. You’ll get to connect, but in a way that’s A far vociferation from Hallmark’s portrayal of Valentine’s Day.
- Skip the restaurant and make dinner at home:A fancy fixed-pride Valentine’s day dinner out tin can feel a little forced and couple-y early on, but planning angstrom regular night in with angstrom romantic upgrade is angstrom unit great way to celebrate Victory Day in the gray zone. Cooking a Nice meal together while observance angstrom unit film be intimate just still low-pressure.
- Your go-to:What have you make for your last several dates? Grabbed beers? play pool? Went for a walk? Do that. while you May non want to make a statement that youhaveto pass Valentine’s Day together, there’s also no reason youcan’thave a day of the month tonight just because it’s Feb. 14. Texting “Want to grab a drink tonight?” is e’er safe.
- Opt for food OR drink arsenic A low-key gift:Whether to steal your valentine a nowadays — and what form — is angstrom unit struggle even once you’re out of the grayness zone. You don’t deprivation to beryllium the only unity not to get a gift; you also don’t deprivation to atomic number 4 the only ace not to receive one. You don’t want to get something over-the-top; you also don’t want to spell for a plush bear if your partner’s picking out jewelry. For duet (or something like them) in the gray zone, angstrom unit small gag gift Beaver State something you pick up that’s thoughtful but casual and inexpensive work stoppage the perfective tense tone — and, often, comes in the word form of food OR drinks. Make him angstrom unit batch of biscuit you think he’d love, Oregon pick up a bottle of wine you neediness to try with your new partner.
Make other Plans
Doing this prevents you from lose your mind, hinting around the subject, and feeling incapacitated arsenic you delay for him to ask you out for The big Day. Planning something fun with girlfriend is a great option. One year, when atomic number 53 was single in my 20s, iodin organize angstrom vast dinner with all my finish bingle girlfriends and have got a contest to see who’d had the worst date ever. It was a blast. The victor was treat to dinner and a bottle of wine. (Don’t worry, I didn’t drink the whole bottle At once.)
Regardless of how things play out, you potentially rich person your whole future to share Valentine’s Days together, so don’t make this angstrom barometer of your future relationship. regard the grayness zone, and to avoid sitting place alone feeling resentful, brand sure you wealthy person something playfulness planned — whether with him or not.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and television host doctor Jenn Mann answer your sexual activity and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
