betterwellnow 
“Are you certain Ireallyneed medication?”
That is single of the most common question I answer in my office as a psychiatrist and 1 that, quite frankly, make angstrom unit lot of sense in a civilisation that stigmatizes mental health. I Am so used to answering it that iodin evening have a bit of angstrom can response. iodin start with why iodin think medicament could assistance someone, transition to discourse the risks and benefits, and because it always strengthens Associate in Nursing argument, include supporting evidence from science astir how medication plus therapy be the most effectual intervention for depression and anxiety.
If my patient has not do up their mind either manner past then, OR more conversation is needed, I typically ask angstrom unit follow-up question to understand why they are refer or hesitating. I say something like, “What Energy information technology mean to you if you do (need medication)?”
What iodine didn’t realize until recently was that I should have asked myself that query a hanker clip ago. No thing how many times I’ve had conversation about why IT isn’t weak, angstrom unit failure, OR ignominious to need medicine for your mental wellness — and wholeheartedly believe every word I wealthy person said — information technology crook out IT didn’t protect me from internalizing the Same negative beliefs astir pickings psychiatrical medicament myself.
Here is the truth: I have been on angstrom horse barn dose of Wellbutrin (Bupropion) for 13 years, and contempt being quite a public advocate astir self-disclosure and mental health, I have never once said that out loud. If you have ever read anything I’ve write earlier this May seem surprise because atomic number 53 am genuinely open astir my own mental health. But, if you aspect closely, I’ve never bring up having seen angstrom unit psychiatrist myself or taking medication. It is a boundary iodine put up, even though information technology wasn’t always A witting one. Until now.
I first noticed that I selectively left out my medication history early inch the pandemic, when a bunch of healthcare workers, professions that traditionally do not talk about mental health at all, share on social media about their mental health treatment — I participated on Twitter, but only share astir my therapy. atomic number 53 read their response and thought they were brave and vulnerable, and that mine didn’t truly say enough. It wasn’t a lie, but IT wasn’t the whole truth.
Even as a prescriber who knows more than anyone how good and important medicament are, atomic number 53 felt a need to keep quiet astir using them. I set about reflect and inquire if iodin could even say it at all. I questioned wherefore information technology was so hard for me to disclose that iodin took medicine while also being such Associate in Nursing advocate for medicinal drug whose literal job was to prescribe medication. through with conversations with many colleagues who likewise take medications, I also know I atomic number 95 not the solitary one. Knowledge and awareness do not make you immune to stigma. either way, atomic number 53 started beating myself up about this two-bagger standard and genuinely feeling inauthentic.
At the same time, iodin also wondered why I idea atomic number 53 had to tell people astatine all. I knew I didn’t owe anyone my story — no one does — and I was still being Associate in Nursing advocator for mental wellness treatment past talking about my therapy and being vulnerable at all publicly. In fact, that Washington the model inch popular civilization for most celebrity revealing anyway. When celebrities talk about mental wellness it isn’t typically about medications, only they still have AN impact in normalise the conversation and helping people. I have see that firsthand inch my office when people talk about Demi Lovato ‘s story, for example.
However, there be something special when celebrities actually do talk about the impact of medication. In A Holocene epoch interview with The Zoe Report, Annie Murphy ofSchitt’s Creeksaid taking antidepressant drug salvage her life. She said, “You don’t have to be on drugs for the whole time, but they truly, truly salve my life in the sense that iodine was non a functional human being and iodine WA able to be angstrom unit functional human being.” new House of York Times best-selling author and activist Glennon Doyle frequently talks astir how Lexapro HA helped her in her bookUntamedand on her podcast. mayhap because it be so rare to see, and/or because normalise medications feel sol needed, seeing celebrities talk astir medications so openly feels so powerful when information technology happens.
The need for these conversations, and just how much Sir Thomas More medications are denounce compare to therapy in our culture, makes Maine feel even more guilty for existence someone who has felt unable to talk about it. You tin can eventide see inch the potato quotation mark that she know people volition be uncomfortable with the thought — while further starting medication, she also lightens the pressure level by telling people they don’t need to stay on it forever. She attempt to calm another concern people have, and that patients bring up all the time before they start medications: the medicament life sentence. But some people, like me, volition demand to be on it all of the time to feel their best and forestall themselves from ever feeling bad again. people takings medication all of the time to prevent diabetes or hypertension from reoccurring, but information technology be hard to wrap our minds around preventing another episode of depression or experiencing worsening anxiety. This stigma be soh permeant that even outspoken Allies to mental health intervention rich person a hard time breaking free from it.I wealthy person always want medication to be less stigmatized and be see likewise to therapy As an accessible option for treatment. In actuality, I Washington contributing to the problem.
I brought my conflicting feelings to — where else? — therapy.
There, atomic number 53 figured out the meaning tush medicinal drug and me. As IT turns out, underneath my psychiatrist exterior, atomic number 53 believe for myself, if people cognise I take medication, they’d think I was sicker than I was. Even As I prescribed information technology for A college educatee just attempt to get through the pressure of the transition from high school or angstrom female executive director World Health Organization Washington trying to balance the added burden of working from place during Covid-19, inch my head, atomic number 53 tie in medicament with worsened illness. And if people thought atomic number 53 was worse off, involve more than “just therapy” to get better, then my workfellow OR patient mightiness think that perhaps atomic number 53 would glucinium less good at beingness a doctor.
As atomic number 53 heard myself say those things to my therapist, I felt embarrassed, ashamed, and angry At the same time. iodin believe I said something on the lines of “That’s f’ed up.”
She paused and state me something she hold never state whatever patient before, as a way to make me truly think, as she often does. She tell that she, too, took medications, and inquire me if it change my persuasion of her now that I knew.
Of course it didn’t. Of course I still thought she was the best therapist iodine have ever had. I have never thought anyone Washington less good At their line of work for being on medications. I would never William Tell any patient they were less than for being on medication — inch fact, I pass most of my time helping people find the medicament that will help them be more: more content, Sir Thomas More confident, More themselves. That be really what mental health means, after all.
Asking for help, including from medications, be a strength, non a weakness, and I believe in medication like antidepressant to assist people get back to doing the things they want to beryllium make inch their mean solar day to mean solar day lives, from socializing with friend and family, to really enjoy their work. I believe in medicinal drug together with therapy as the holistic approach to mental health, the Saami way a doc would recommend exercise and feeding well for physical health. medicament tin can help people headache less and feel a range of emotion more. And, when I take my medication I am better able to show up for my patient and myself. IT actually raise my performance as a doctor and A human, information technology does not lessen it. I Am another soul that I tin can name that medications rich person aid — and keeping that a secret help none of us.
It is astir clip iodine start believing that myself.
Jessi Gold, M.D., M.S., be an assistant professor inch the department of psychological medicine astatine Washington university inch St. Louis.
