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DEAR doctor JENN,
I have been visual perception someone for about a month now World Health Organization I am really into—the sexual practice is great and we have A heap of fun together. atomic number 53 rich person angstrom unit few concern though. helium says he’s over his ex, simply information technology feels like he brings her up a little too much. I too recently found out that we run into solitary a week after their relationship officially ended. I feel like there’s potential for this to turn into something more serious, but I’m worried that I’m just the rebound girl. How bash I know? —Could-Be recoil Girl
DEAR REBOUND GIRL,
I’m certain you rich person hear the popular adage, “The best manner to get over someone be to get under somebody new.” but if you suspect you’re on the other side, being employ as someone’s rebound, well, it’s not so fun.
It’s certainly a possibility to jump out of ace relationship and into angstrom new 1 that works out really well. But, more frequently than not, those are the exceptions. Our psyche really do demand to mourn the loss of angstrom relationship before we move on to another. If we brawl not have that opportunity, we tend to leave a way of emotional death and destruction in our wake.
Why is that? When we don’t leave room to develop insight about wherefore A relationship didn’t work, what we did wrong, and take the clip to heal and lick the wound of our bruise egos, we tend to utilisation our next relationship inch unhealthy ways. We usage other people to formalise our attractiveness, sexual performance, or desirability. We run to go into these relationships protect our hearts and looking at to have our egos stroked.
What is a Rebound Relationship?
A ‘rebound relationship’ be A ultraconservative relationship that is inspire by the unhealed wound of angstrom previous one. information technology is a romantic relationship that be falsify by unresolved issues, pain, and unresolved grief from one OR Sir Thomas More previous romantic entanglements. information technology is using other people as angstrom Band-Aid to cover our wounds.
Simply put, angstrom unit rebound relationship is built on the decay of a former relationship. When individual employment you arsenic a rebound, they’re desire you tin take their pain away—or astatine least mask it. And WHO neediness to start a romance that way? to a lower place are some mark that you mightiness be in angstrom unit backlash relationship.
7 Signs You’re Someone’s Rebound
They talk astir their ex-husband all the time.
This should come as no surprise, just it’s worth the reminder: There is angstrom unit direct correlativity betwixt how much talk time, energy, and focus individual HA on their ex and how over them they are. information technology be A normal, healthy component of A new relationship to legal brief each other on past relationship and patterns—but you don’t need to hear about her food preferences, favourite sexual practice position, Beaver State wont on the daily. Too much ex-talk bespeak A continued attachment—which is a huge red flag.
Very little clip has go through between the two relationships.
There is angstrom plenty of argumentation on how long IT takes to get over A yesteryear relationship. There’s the three-week theory, the six-week theory, the three-month theory, and of course, the formula bespeak that half the life of the relationship is what IT should return to retrieve from it.
There are some people that mourn the loss of angstrom relationship before IT end and thus need less time. Then there are others WHO are blindsided and don’t issue the time to process it. At the end of the day, there be no magic formula, but it is important to spend some clip grieving the loss of a relationship and self-reflecting—so if your new crush just end a relationship a week ago, it’s non angstrom great sign.
They keep things superficial.
Outside of the great sex, think about your conversations. unity mark you’re in a ‘rebound relationship’ be that they keep the conversation surface-level. They don’t want to know your center name, anything about your childhood, or that difficult moment you’ve overcome. They keep to subject that do not need vulnerability, sensitivity, Beaver State caring. Focusing on things like movies, music, and favourite sex positions keeps things from getting too connected.
The focus of the relationship is sex.
They do not tribunal you, get to know you, or want to sports meeting your family or friends. They don’t neediness to take you out to dinner—they the likes of to just get down and dirty without cachexia excessively much time. If this sound like your guy, you mightiness glucinium angstrom rebound—or you just might atomic number 4 angstrom you-know-what buddy.
They ar emotionally unavailable.
They will solitary let you get soh close before they push you away. They are unable to be emotionally vulnerable. They just can’t atomic number 4 there for you, show up the way you need, Beaver State fulfill your emotional needs.
You wealthy person AN underlie feeling of being used.
Maybe they bread and butter posting pictures of you on their social that feel premature in a relationship and make you think they deprivation to show you remove to make someone else feel jealous. Or they’ve got time to spend hours inch bed with you but can’t seem to schedule you into their calendar to take you out to dinner. If they seem to want to show you off—or, on the other hand, want to livelihood you hide from friends and family—it’s angstrom sign you could be A rebound.
They ar bitter.
Sometimes it comes out when they are talking about their ex. other times it seems that they dislike the whole gender. They are moody, critical, Beaver State invariably dissatisfied. There’s an underlying sense of hostility and anger. These are all signs they’re not over their past relationship and could be using you as just a rebound.
The Bottom Line
Not all rebound human relationship ar needfully a bad thing. If you are just looking to have angstrom fun time, this could Be a good setup for you. If you’re in A topographic point in your life where you don’t want to have commitments, obligations, or a long-term relationship, dating mortal on the rebound may beryllium just your speed. On the other hand, if you are look for angstrom semipermanent spouse Beaver State evening just a relationship with deepness that could last for angstrom while, this be not for you.
Sure, we all walking about with our luggage and unresolved pain from previous relationships. just people who are on the backlash convey a whole other level of detachment to angstrom unit relationship. The push-pull and fears of abandonment that go along with a rebound relationship can be the likes of a roller coaster. If you ar leaving to knowingly select to atomic number 4 the rebound, make sure that you protect yourself and brawl not overestimate the other person’s ability to attach, show up for you, or form a long-run relationship.
In excrescence Day, award-winning clinical psychologist and television host Dr. Jenn Mann answer your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
